By now you may be thinking, "Stephanie, your blog is intensely hilarious, full of spunk, and an accurate depiction of my swinggle life; if only I knew what leading a swinggle life means." Rest assured, today is that day. So, sit back, relax, draw yourself a glass of wine, and I will regale the tale of the birth of swinggledom.
This story begins with a simple disclosure. I also apologize if this is going all Sex and the City on you, but I am blessed to have the greatest friends in the world. Everyone thinks they have the greatest friends, but I live in the certainty that this is actually true. Granted, I would venture to say this is a truth for everyone and rightly so. It is important for us to experience that level of allegiance and care and share it. With this being said, the story begins with two of my good friends enjoying a leisurely Saturday morning brunch, regaling each other with their frustrations about dating and living a single life. Dr. Neurotic and Dr. Charlie, as I'll call them, were discussing their spreading body mass and poor hygiene practices, which they attributed to the brutalness of attempting to find a decent companion. Tired of feeling less than they were, they made a pack designed to shed the bulge, improve overall hygiene, and celebrate the wonderfulness that is them.
To achieve this, they formulated specific rules such as 1) Maintain a clean, decluttered living space. Not only will you feel better about your Cleaver-esque abilities, but it will ensure your place is always prepared to invite guests. 2) Floss everyday. Sure, flossing is a pain, but good oral hygiene is no joke. In the event you do find that special someone, you don't want them to be able to detect what you had for dinner when you "get close." 3) Trim it up. No one likes shaving, waxing, or whatever other crazy hair removal practices are out there. No one likes to snuggle up with Sasquatch either. 4) Exercise. Not only does it release those good neurotransmitters and promote our health, but it helps firm up that pesky flab. When we feel more confident about ourselves, people notice. 5) Love you for you. This is an important one. The "rules" aren't to try to change ourselves for someone else, rather, it is about taking pride in ourselves and wanting the best for us (body, mind, spirit). By recognizing our greatness and what we have to offer, we will more likely want to share this with someone worthy. 6) Don't forget your friends. Time and again I have lost friends once they entered into a relationship. I'm not unreasonable and know that things will obviously change when one enters into a partnership. Priorities are different, but this is no excuse to ditch out and give the middle finger to your friends. They have typically been there through the rough times (ie. Bringing you chicken fingers and Ben and Jerry's when you have a break up, thanks Dr. Neurotic...more on this later) and the good ones. Be smart, find time to prioritize them too.
With the formulation of these simple rules to live by, swingglehood was born. Why swinggle, you say? Because to be a swingin' single (ie. Swinggle...the Doctors spelled it Swingle, but I believe the extra g is sassy) is not to give up your keys at a group "party" and engage in raunchy escapades with various couples (I mean if you are into that cool. Frankly that is a lot of limbs to wrestle with and way too much work for me.) Rather, to be Swinggle is to recognize your inner fabulousness and all you have to offer. Once you do, you may be surprised how others see you. So, swing on fellow swinggles.