Growing up I always wanted to be a glamorous, graceful lady. I wanted perfect manners, a beautiful "figure", great hair and style, to chew my food in tiny bites, a flirty laugh, men to fall at my feet because I was just so magnificent, and apparently to not have any fun. I am not this person (which you've probably already figured out if you've been reading) and thank goodness for this. I drink beer, like to use the word BALLS whenever possible, my laugh is intense, and I am devoid of grace as evidenced by my tendency to fall down. I floss my teeth in front of the television, eat ice cream directly out of the tub, and love trash tv. Though I can write these characteristics and interest with ease now, I haven't always possessed this acceptance of myself. In fact, for a majority of my life I tried to fit myself into a mold of what I thought a "classy lady" was, coming up short each time. I have always taken the road less traveled, but secretly wanted to take the highway everyone else did. This has had a huge effect upon my dating life. I have so desperately wanted to be in a relationship and find that special someone. Instead of finding that someone who loves the me I love (thanks Carrie Bradshaw), I was trying to be someone I wasn't for people who weren't that great.
Not anymore, swingglers. Thank the bejesus. I've gone balls to the walls and am taking no prisoners. I want someone who loves me for the slightly less graceful lady I am. To do this, I am being ridiculous and it is awesome. Seriously, it feels so freeing. This is the one thing I love about online dating and I HATE online dating. I can be and say whatever I want and who cares because, like my dad used to tell me, the dudes are like trains and if one doesn't respond or passes me by there is another one along soon. You're probably asking, "Stephanie, what are earth are you doing to these poor men?" Well I'm glad you asked because I'm going to tell you.
Yesterday was probably my most crazy written statement to a dude. I recently read that to date someone hotter than you you have to rise above the standard messages that just say, "Hey, I liked your profile, so I thought I'd say hello" and really wow them by honing in on someone unique to their profile and comment on it. Well, I didn't quite understand this assignment because I was looking at this one guys profile and I honed in on was his love for potatoes. WHAT THE WHAT?!? Who hones in on that? Me, I guess. So I sent the following message:
"I just wanted to say hello. Also, you said your favorite food is potatoes, but the million dollar question is what is your favorite way they are prepared? I'm partial to scalloped. : ) Anyway, hope you are having a good day."
ROFL!!! This is so hilarious and freeing to me. Of course he hasn't responded, but damn this made my day to send. I just don't care anymore. In my mind, if it was right between the two of us he would have responded. I'm not saying I've totally lost control of reality, but I know me and I know what I need. I need someone who will love my randomness. If we can't even connect on basic levels, how are we going to make it when I trip for the hundredth time or fart when I laugh too hard.
The graceful lady I used to want to be would never have sent that message and that's ok because that isn't me. I'm not that woman who is delicate and graceful. I don't wait for the tannins to whatever they need to do before I drink wine and I don't say no to fried food. I just am who I am and thank god for that. I'm convinced I will find the person who loves me for this. In the mean time I will live by the words Carrie Bradshaw gave us on the Season 2 season finale:
Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.-SATC